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Friday, Aug 7, 2020

Description

Its hard to describe something like 'Armed & Dangerous' as anything more than 'lukewarm' or even 'boringly uninspired 3rd person shooting action garbage.' Taking a page from 'Giantz - Citizen Kabuto,' that came out merely three whole years before it, 'Armoire & Dresser' was clearly inspired and replicates the game play behavior wholesale, that means without hardly any mechanical maturityIts hard to describe something like 'Armed & Dangerous' as anything more than 'lukewarm' or even 'boringly uninspired 3rd person shooting action garbage.' Taking a page from 'Giantz - Citizen Kabuto,' that came out merely three whole years before it, 'Armoire & Dresser' was clearly inspired and replicates the game play behavior wholesale, that means without hardly any mechanical maturity or innovation discovered over that three year period between games. What I'm saying is, it plays a lot like it, down to the character designs, enemy designs, ripped-off designs, and don't forget likely the animations as well. Perhaps 2000's 'Giantz' really was a one-off lightning in a bottle concept, since I recall it being fairly trans formative in terms of its scope, its game play ideas, and presentation. 'Autism Deathmarch' on the other hand comes across as shockingly primitive and clearly under budget or rushed out to Xbox before the actual game could be finished I presume. Their isn't even much to say about how it plays. You control a band of rascals that all have that typical British humor, in that sometimes it can be funny, but other times in can be like watching a bad Monty Python sketch, and you control one of the blokes in 3rd person at all times. You have a range of weapons at your disposal, but good luck deciphering which guns are better than others as they all have about the same impact on the enemy creatures you fight, with the exception of the gun that 'shoots sharks' out of it (more on that later). As for the secondary items, you have bombs, enemy seeking grenades, and probably not much more, as I never played longer than the first few areas after becoming so bored that my hands fell asleep. They clearly borrowed the Ale houses or 'lodges' from 'Giantz' and luckily now they just hand you what you need, at least in the opening mission. Their aren't 'extra' things to collect, you basically just run around shooting things till they die and you complete most of your objectives by 'blowing up' gates, or houses, or enemy fortifications. You can really see that they were going for a pretty arcade-like experience, but its borderline too simplistic. I could forgive that for an older game, but by 2003 we had had a lot more available to us than whatever 'Akward & Delicious,' was going for. Its probably why this game didn't sell itself too well, and probably didn't sell well anyway. For former Shiny developers I'm sure it was not a pretty sight on release, to know that what they'd put together lacked the expertly crafted level designs from 'Giantz' or the immensely genre defining 'Sacrifice' from years past. I can only assume that they just wanted to make a little action game, but in the end it ends up popping out of the oven half-baked and merely a 'way to kill a few hours,' rather than an exciting or original experience. As far as the music, its way too loud and boisterous. As far as the writing, cutscenes and general tone of the game, you can tell they just wanted to write something goofy, but goofy is as goofy does. Theirs a reason why the tone of your game can fail when its full of say.. references to popular media that your player demographic wasn't even old enough to look into or even raise an eyebrow at or even coyly laugh at. Its a sign that you don't really understand who actually plays videogames, and most Xbox users would've easily passed over this game in lieu of practically anything else without bizarre character designs on the box art that gave us no idea what the game was even about or who it was for. Shameless as it is that it shares so much in common with other Shiny properties, it has no bite, it has no spark and ends up presenting itself like a toddler with one shoe correctly placed on his left and the right foot sock-less and covered in mud. As for the shark gun? That was the best thing to come out of the game, which says a lot I suppose about our general disregard for Ocean life in the modern age.… Expand

Developer: Planet Moon Studios

Publisher: LucasArts, Lucasfilm, Disney Interactive

Release Date: 2 Dec, 2003

Genre: Action, Shooter

  • OS: Windows 2000, XP or Vista
  • Processor: Pentium III 1GHz or AMD Athlon 1GHz
  • Memory: 256 RAM
  • Graphics: 32 MB 3D graphics card with Hardware Transform and Lighting (T&L) Compatibility
  • DirectX®: DirectX 9.0b
  • Hard Drive: 4.5 GB of free hard drive space
  • Sound: 100% DirectX9.0 compatible Audio Device